Saving a Life

By Anorexia, a friend to Kristen Webber

 

I am a friend of Kristen Webber, her best friend. I have unselfishly dedicated myself to save her life. I tell her the truth and keep her safe and protected. The thoughts I give her help her to become a better person. When she listens to me, she is happier and her problems disappear. Since I am the only one who tells her the truth and really wants her to be happy, I am her only friend.

The main, most important thing she needs to realize is that she is 50 pounds overweight. I’ve seen her body and know that this is the truth. People tell her differently, but they haven’t seen her like I have. She is the fattest person I’ve ever met. Wherever she goes, she is always the biggest. My job is to bring her into reality so she can see this and change. When people try to tell her she is not overweight, I save her by telling her they are lying and just trying to make her feel good. I’m the only one who tells her the truth, even if it hurts. Anyone who tries to get Kristen to eat doesn’t really care for her at all. They just want to see her get fatter and fatter, they don’t care about her happiness. It is these people who are very dangerous because their secret wish is to hurt her and see her in pain. I only have her best interests in mind. Without me she might as well die.

Being such a fat person, she is very worthless. She is an awful person because of all the extra weight and she doesn’t deserve anything good. If she were to lose weight, she would become a worthwhile person who deserves to be happy and treated with respect. No one likes her because she is so fat. No one likes her when she eats. She would be liked if she lost weight. People respect her and are proud of her when she can resist the temptation to eat. They admire her when she can have enough self-control to abstain from eating and drinking. Kristen cannot eat in front of people without them hating her. Because she is so overweight and everyone can see this, she cannot eat in front of anyone without them thinking she is greedy and selfish. Fat people don’t deserve to eat. It makes everyone uncomfortable when they eat. I save her from making others hate her and think badly of her.

When Kristen eats or drinks anything, she loses control of everything in her life. If she started eating, she would never be able to stop. Her problems would become bigger and more intense. Since she is so bad at controlling her life, she needs to get control by not eating. By eating she proves she does not deserve to have control over anything. If she cannot do something as simple as reaching a reasonable weight, she should not be allowed control over her life. She will not have a life if she doesn’t listen to me. I’m just trying to get her life back. I’m the best thing that ever happened to her. I always reassure her I’ll never leave; I’ll keep trying to improve her life and make her happy forever.

If Kristen does slip and eat something, there are several back-up plans she can do to save herself. She can make herself vomit to get the food out before it does serious damage. This is the best option and most effective way to fix her mistake. She can also take laxatives or do hours of intense exercise after a mess-up. I don’t like to see her make a mistake like this, but I do realize that it happens. It is very bad if she eats for two or more days in a row. If she were to do this, she needs to go longer without anything to eat or drink. This is a way she can try to get control back. She is losing control if she eats everyday, but mistakes like this can be fixed. She has to go longer without anything to make up for eating. These mistakes make her a very awful person. She needs to realize that as soon as she eats or drinks, everyone notices how much fatter she is instantly. She looks like she is nine months pregnant. This, on top of the 50 extra pounds she already has, makes her grossly huge. People talk about her behind her back saying things like “Look at how fat Kristen has gotten from eating, there’s no reason why she should eat, it’s so gross.” or “Who does Kristen think she is by eating, she knows better than that.” Everyone knows she should not be eating, it is very obvious to see. She gets respect and admiration when she is not eating.

Kristen has very little self-control. Because of this, it is dangerous for for her to keep any food and drink around where she might eat them. If she does slip and buy some food, she must throw it away immediately. I’m very disappointed when she buys food or drinks. She forgets how much better she feels when she is not eating. It would also be extremely awful if anyone were to find food that she bought. They would hate her right away and have absolutely no respect for her. She knows better than that. Kristen cannot have money on her when she goes for a walk in case she gets bad thoughts and stops to buy some food or drink. She might lose touch with reality and temporarily think she wants to eat. This is when she goes crazy and I need to take complete control of her so she doesn’t do anything stupid. It’s a good thing I’m here for her or she would be a complete mess.

Kristen has enough fat on her body to go for at least one week without eating or drinking anything. When she starts to feel dizzy or sick, it is not because of lack of food or because of dehydration. She has something wrong with her blood that cause dizziness and fainting. People will try to tell her it’s because of lack of nutrition. They are lying. These people are liars and are a threat to Kristen’s happiness. They also try to convince her that her lack of concentration and ability to focus are results of starvation. This cannot be true. It’s impossible that her body could go into starvation; it has enough reserves to last forever. I need to protect Kristen from these people who try to convince her she’s starving. I’m the only one who can see reality and is totally honest with Kristen. She is safe by listening to me.

There is something about Kristen that makes people want to hurt her. She has already been hurt by males before because she was not smart and very uncareful. She needs to lose weight so she won’t be hurt anymore. She is safer when she doesn’t eat because people don’t feel like they need to hurt her. They are entirely right in thinking she deserves to be hurt. She deserves to be hurt right now because she is so fat. She deserves to be hurt when she eats, especially in front of people. I’m just trying to protect Kristen. I have her best interests in mind at all times.

It is a big problem that Kristen is seeing Dr. Brysen. She is setting herself up for unhappiness and disappointment. It is very bad that she feels she can talk to him about anything. By doing this, she is losing control of everything. After talking with him she thinks she is doing better, but this is just a trick – an illusion. She has often ate after talking with him. This my proof, he is bad for her. She feels she wants to eat and is safe enough to eat, but she is wrong. She is out of touch with reality when she has these thoughts. It is never safe for her to eat. I have to become more forceful with her after the sessions because her thoughts have been drastically changed. She thinks things that are just not true. I bring her back to reality.

Kristen thinks it’s good that she is working with Dr. Brysen because she thinks he helps her. Even though I think she is dangerously wrong in thinking this, there are conditions where I’ll let her go see him. If she doesn’t eat for three days in a row, I’ll let her go see him. Seeing him frequently is very bad for her because she makes more mistakes after the meetings (such as eating). She even starts to think that it’s good that she ate. This is very dangerous. She’ll never become happy by doing this. Happiness will only come by listening and obeying me.

Kristen deserves to die if she doesn’t listen to me. She might as well just kill herself if she disobeys me because she’ll never find happiness. I have the answer to her happiness. I know all the secrets about how to get people to like her. I know how she can get control of her life back. Kristen has a lot of bad secrets she must keep from me. By doing this, she convinces people she is good. This will be accomplished when she stops eating and has lost 50 pounds. She has to hide her true self so people will like her and she will be accepted.

Kristen’s main purpose for being at school right now is to lose 50 pounds. She is not a very good student; her good grades in the past are all fake. I wasn’t sure that her going to school was a good idea, because I was afraid it would give Kristen a feeling of control over her life. She is not strong enough to have any control, she’ll just mess up if she is given control. It is my job to control things for her because she is so weak. If Kristen does not lose 50 pounds while at school, she must kill herself. This makes total sense since losing weight should be her main purpose and priority. If she doesn’t lose the weight, she is hopeless and deserves to die. This is her test. She passes and she’ll gain happiness, control and respect. She fails and she’ll die; she will deserve to die. She has known for long enough she needs to lose all this weight. It’s time she listened to me and did.

I care about Kristen very much I only want the best for her and I’m striving for her happiness. Nothing can go wrong by listening to me. I’m the only one who tells her the truth and knows all the secrets to how she can gain happiness and respect. I dedicate myself to her. This is my unselfish mission – to save Kristen’s life.

 

A Response to ‘Saving a Life’ By: anorexia, a friend of Kristen Webber

anorexia (I will not dignify you by capitalizing your name), I can’t tell you how sickening I found your mockery. If you weren’t so sinister and lethal, I would find you and your deceitfulness laughable. How you counterfeit care and concern for Kristen’s happiness while ushering her into the hellishness of your nightmarish imprisonment of her mind, body and spirit! How ludicrous and futile I find your ‘promises’! For the past fifteen years, the League and its members have been hunting you down wherever you are hiding out and trying to bring you to justice. We, in the League, have no doubts about the immorality of your ‘diets to death’ and your invisible concentration camps. Your promises of happiness are as revolting to me as the slogan above the steel gates at Auschwitz – ‘Arbeit Macht Frei = Perfection Will Set You Free’ and as believable. Jenny had this to say about you . . .

Directions from the Devil :  The Road To Hell In Five Shorts Steps

1. “Pain will kill you. I will save you. I will take away your pain.”
2. “Don’t trust yourself. Don’t trust another. Just trust me.”
3. “Never listen to others. Keep silent your voice. Listen only to me.”
4. “Believe all that. I say and do all that I tell you and I will Reward you . . .”

 

She later went on to add –

Anorexia is powerless to touch a human being. The only weapon it has is its tongue. It can talk until it is blue in the face but it cannot lay a finger on a person. It is extremely smart. It knows that no human is going to go willingly to its own death. It knows that humans are terrified of pain and death. It goes about its search for humans in pain and misery. Whenever it finds them, it approaches them and attempts to befriend them. It remains just out of sight and disguises its voice as one of an angel. It promises to take away your pain. If you are having an identity crisis, it will promise to provide you with an identity. If you are lonely, it will promise to be your friend. If you are feeling powerless, it will promise to make you powerful. It will make promise after promise, but its promises are lies. It says – “I will make you happy”. As soon as you believe the lie, you have already begun to die.

Once you believe the promise you are given a set of spoken rules. The promises become conditional. It says – “I will take away your pain only IF you follow the rules. I will make you happy only IF you do everything I tell you to do”.

Anorexia’s spoken rules are those of self-denial. Anorexia promises to reward you for denying yourself anything and everything you need and desire. Anorexia tells you that denying all your needs and desires will make you strong, happy and free of pain. If you are tired, anorexia forbids you to sleep. If you are hungry, anorexia forbids you to eat. If you are cold, anorexia forbids you to turn up the heater or put on a sweater. Anorexia forbids you from enjoying your sexuality. The most important of Anorexia’s rules is that you must follow all the rules perfectly at all times.

No matter how perfectly you follow the rules, it is never perfect enough for Anorexia. He says – “Lose the five pounds and I will make you happy”. Once you lose the five pounds he wants another five pounds and so on. It is impossible to satisfy Anorexia. You will sooner starve to death than be rewarded by him and that is precisely his intentions. Even though he has never laid a finger on you, he gets full credit for your death.

Anorexia is terrified that you will see him for the demon he truly is. He only wants you to see your own pain and nothing else on the face of this earth.

She went on to say “Stare anorexia in the eye until it looks away. Make anorexia look away. Anorexia is terrified that I will see it for what it truly is: SCARED. anorexia is insecure. I have been staring anorexia in its eyes for awhile, but it’s still not giving up. Eventually it will. It’s still trying. In fact, it’s trying harder than ever because now I’m fighting back. Struggling with anorexia is like struggling with a molester. The more you fight back and struggle, the more you get hurt. But if you don’t struggle and don’t flight, you get hurt still. You get hurt more if you struggle than if you don’t. So why struggle? Because it will kill you. No. It won’t kill you but it will make you feel so bad you’ll end up suicidal because of it.

Anorexia will continue to rape you for the rest of your life if you don’t fight it off. anorexia rapes you over and over if you don’t follow its rules.

If you don’t follow the rules, it rapes you and tells you it’s your fault.

anorexia lies to you.

It tells you that you let it happen . . . that you let yourself be raped and you deserved it. anorexia tells you that you deserve to be raped when you don’t follow the rules.

Every time you break free and start struggling, Anorexia rapes you to punish you.

Then it tells you you did it to yourself and the worst part of all is that I believe it. I believed Anorexia. I believed that it was my fault.

 

Never believe anorexia.

Never. Never. Never ever believe a word it says.

Anorexia lies to you through its teeth.

Anorexia will lie to the very end.

Anorexia tells you you deserve to be raped if you give in to food.

Anorexia tells you not to let food touch you; it tells you not to touch food.

 

Anorexia promises to make you strong. Invulnerable. Powerful. Untouchable. Unbreakable. Refusing to ‘give in’ to food will make you strong.

Control your desires for food. But the truth is not what it seems.

True strength means resisting anorexia and pushing it away. It is much more difficult to get rid of Anorexia than it is to eat.

You have to be really strong.

Resisting anorexia is really what will make you stronger.

Being Jenny will make me strong.

Being Anorexia is easy. Anybody can be anorexia.

But nobody else can be me.

I must be brave.

Be Jenny.

The hardest most difficult thing to be but I must be me.

 

Jenny is one of so many who has been through you, exposed you for the d(evil) you are. And it is our sworn undertaking to keep these records in an archive (= a place where public records are held) so people can and will know the TRUTH about anorexia/bulimia. anorexia, even if you were to kill me, these archives will survive. anorexia, you know as well as I do that the anti-anorexic ‘truth’ will survive you because it promises nothing more than revolution, struggle and eventually regaining of the freedoms of which you have robbed so many young women (and some men). There is something that we believe it and are faithful to – every man and woman deserves their freedoms and that they are worth living for.

anorexia, I don’t know Kristen Webber but I have fought with so many anti-anorexic women (and some men), their friends, family, school-mates, lovers, work-mates and sisters, etc. before today, that she is welcome in the anti-Anorexia League. I know so many before her whom you tried to beguile and betray who became your deadly enemies, just as I will always remain to the day I die. Do you know about us? Do you dare find out? We know too you have tried to infiltrate us but the sickening smell of you gives you away. We ‘stand firm’ on the very ground of our undying hatred and opposition to you, even though at times we have to keep on the move, changing our identities, going underground. anorexia, beware, we are everywhere but nowhere.

Do you want to know more about us?

Yours forever anti-anorexically,

 

David Epston

spokesperson for the Anti-Anorexia/Anti-Bulimia League