Anorexia, I Hate You : A Poem¹
I hate you,
You know who you are.
You know yourself so well,
You’ve made me forget who I really am.
You tell me that I am you,
Mock me when I say I’m not you.
You claim that I will always be you,
That it is impossible to ever be free from you.
You control my every move,
A dictator to the extreme.
You came uninvited at a time when I was so young,
Now it is clear that you are not wanted,
Yet you refuse to go away.
You hurt those who I love the most,
This is my greatest hate.
You promise happiness,
And give sorrow in return.
You turn life into one unbearable nightmare,
Make me want to curl up and die.
You take pleasure in my torment,
Laugh as you watch the despair and chaos you create.
You have no limits,
You can never be satisfied.
You demand my full attention,
Twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year.
You are one long list of restrictions,
Never failing to deal out punishment when disobeyed.
I long to be rid of you,
To escape from your relentless grip.
I fear that I will never make it out,
Out of this black hole you have dug for me.
To say that I think that I can beat you would be to lie.
The only thing that I know for sure is the depth of my hatred,
For you and all that you stand for.
And so, the battle for life and freedom continues
- I wrote this after anorexia had murdered my friend, Freya whom I met in hospital