We’ve known each other a while now, I used to feel like you were my best friend, but I’m starting to realise that you are an enemy. You lied to me and nearly took my whole life away at the age of only 16. You kept telling me that I was fat, you kept saying I needed to exercise and not eat. You made me dread having a bath or shower because if I did I would see my horrible “fat” body, you made me sit there and pinch every bit of fat on my body and cry. My head was like a mad place where I would secretly plan everything, count every calorie, plan every meal, think through everything until it was exhausted.
My body was dying, physically and mentally. I was physically sick a few times too, I felt ill, felt like my body was wasting away, and the truth is it was, you just kept telling me I was fine and needed to lose more weight. At 5 a half stone it felt as if my whole body almost gave up. Drifting in and out of a weird sleep, I was scared I thought it was the end, the end of everything for me. Luckily you didn’t take my life that day, something inside me saved me.
You almost tore me aware from those I love, you made me depressed, you made me self harm, you made me extremely ill and not long from death. You made me forget things all the time, you made me physically in pain always, you made me starve and fear certain foods, you made me dehydrated you scared my family and now you’ve made me hate you, and that’s the only good thing you’ve made me do.
You were a huge part of me, I could almost see how ill I looked just a couple of times, but you grew much stronger than me, I believed you and kept losing weight, and where did that get me? I had a flat chest, I could see my ribs, my cheek bones were so pronounced I could see and feel them easily, my hips were sticking right out of my body, it was always very uncomfortable lying or even sitting down for too long. My whole spine was visible, I could feel my pelvis sticking out. I was tired a lot, I tried to exercise even though I had no energy in me.
I always had backaches and tummy aches, I had strange feelings in my heart (weak pulse) and always when I stood up I got dizzy and felt like I was going to faint. I hate you Anorexia, you will never win me, I will just keep fighting you until you’re complete gone. I’ll always have your mental scars with me but you won’t be there. Thanks to my family, pets and the people at CAMHS I’m almost positive that I will recover.
Goodbye Anorexia! Hello new Katie!
I want to be happy and healthy now and free from you Anorexia forever.
From your old friend Katie.