Letter of Apology to Jenny
I am writing to follow up our phone discussion last week. I suspect that you would have experienced my anti-anorexic earnestness as criticism. If so, I consider that you have just cause. A letter such as this allows me to apologize for your discomfort and secondly to tell you what I wish I had done and said.
Let me begin by asking – Am I right in thinking that anorexia ‘talks’ you out of your appointments? Or convinces you that everyone else’s request or demands have precedence over your anti-anorexia? Does anorexia have you putting everyone ahead of your appointment times?
If this is so, that is what I was concerned about and vexed by. However I have to acknowledge that I believe anorexia outwitted me in having me express my concerns at you rather than at IT. Have a look at the attached interview with Rebecca (26) which we did together yesterday.
She commented: “Once I began to distinguish myself from anorexia, I was then able to begin to fight it. Before that, you just sink deeper and deeper into the quicksand of anorexia. There is nothing to direct your anger at.” My question to her was – “Did sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of anorexia have anything to do with being angry at your very own self?”
Can you see how I, by not metaphorically ‘taking my own medicine’ became angry at you when with anti-anorexia hindsight, I was very angry at anorexia? Still, after all these anti-anorexic years, I should know better. So naturally, I am very remorseful for what I have done. My only hope is that you will give me an opportunity to make my apology in persona and see if that will repair any damage that I have done. I truly hope so.
I apologize for the way I expressed my moral outrage at how I believe anorexia was subverting our anti-anorexia (which had just got going). I did not adequately make it clear that I was mad at anorexia and not you. I do not apologize on the other hand for my moral outrage. I consider that to be just. I do apologize for not taking adequate care in speaking to a norexia and speaking to Jenny. As you know, I believe anorexia and Jenny are worlds apart.
To give some substance to my apology and so you might permit me to make amends, I would like to offer you a free appointment as a token.
Yours forever anti-anorexically,